Children & babies · General parenting · Love · Motherhood

Teng Ai (疼爱) – On Loving You

Loving you comes not without its complications.

It’s hard. You’re a challenge.

But it’s impossible not to love you.

You’re funny, really funny.  And charismatic. You have that cute nose twitch. And you give great hugs. Did I ever tell you how much I love you? Silly me, of course I did.

Do.

Regularly.

On a bright summer’s day, it’s a walk in the park with you. Hand in hand, kicking stones, talking rubbish but learning all the while. About wildlife. About life. About you. And about me.

Life has a subliminal simplicity for you. You see through a kaleidoscope of rainbow colours and you translate into black and white words. It’s elementary. The world is your oyster and you are it’s iridescent pearl. Precious, pure and perfect. Well, to me anyway.

But loving you comes not without its anguish.

It’s hard. On me.

And it can be hard. On you.

You’re exhausting, really exacting. And exasperating [at times]. You have that infuriating way of wrapping me round your dinky g’dam pinky. And sometimes/often/usually you just don’t speak my language. You see me but you don’t look at me. You hear me but you don’t listen to me. You live with me but you don’t learn from me. Did I ever tell you how much I love you? Of course I did.

Do.

Regularly.

A walk in the park is more often a race to keep up. With you. With me. With life. Hand in hand, pulling you in this direction, dragging me in that. Learning all the while. About you. About me. And about us. Or trying to, at least. Life demands patience in immeasurable volumes with you. And if patience is a virtue, then Please Goodness I must be a Saint by now?

Sadly not. And therein lies my plight.

For loving you, I could do with a degree. Or some kind of text or manual would be nice.

Because it can be harsh for you

Being loved by me.

Especially with all manner of mistakes [my mistakes] manifesting in you.

But thankfully this love alters not when it alteration finds. This love is a tough love. Persistent. Permanent. In sickness and in health, this love will abide. Til death do us part, this love will endure.

疼爱 (Teng Ai). The Chinese hit the nail on the head with this one.

疼 (Pain) + 爱 (Love) = to love so dearly it hurts.

疼 (Pain) + 爱 (Love) = a Mother’s Love.

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