When it comes to Father’s Day, it’s a given that Mum has it all sorted. From the carefully crafted words on the card, to the subjectively selected jumbo box of mum’s favourite chocolates for “everyone” to enjoy. There is no need for the Father of this generation to write a polite list of requests as to the order of the day, to make gentle hints weeks in advance about the length of his lie-in or to buy his own presents. Today’s sensitive new-age man need not make his own breakfast in bed, bake his own cake or scrub his own feet today. No, he has a loving and caring woman to do all that for him.
Forget the kids in all of this. Let’s face it, aside from Mum raiding their piggy banks to sub the Super-Hero present she picked up yesterday from the local pound shop, what do kids actually have to do with Father’s Day? Aside from jumping all over him, screeching their very own tone-deaf rendition of, “happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Daddeeeeeeeee, happy birthday to you” in his ears, thereby interrupting his long-awaited lie-in, it’s their job to forget all about this meaningful day, until the next time Mum reminds them to #benicetodaddy, PLEASE, EVEN IF JUST FOR TODAY, at roughly five minutes intervals throughout the day.
Once again, it’s Mum’s job to ensure that the day goes smoothly, that Dad is suitably spoilt and that the kids are forced into displaying exemplary behaviour, whilst smiling for the selfies. If He has a Super-Wife, then the lucky fellow may even have a surprise table booked somewhere involving chocolate and deep-filled apple pie and ice-cream. If, like my Old Man, he has a sub-standard Wife, then he’ll have to make do with a packed lunch of soggy tuna sandwiches and a packet of out-of-date crisps, from the rarely seen depths of the “treat” cupboard. Some treat indeed.
However, before the day turns into a total let-down for #thebestdaddyever, let’s reinforce what’s real and true about today. Today is a reminder of all the wonderful Dads out there, some who are with us and some who sadly are not. The Dads who work hard each and every day to provide a world for their precious brood. The Fathers who love and cherish their children like no other. And the Men without whom our lives would simply not be as full (not to mention smelly.) Happy Father’s Day to all you old farts. Today is going to be awesome (Mum’s promise).