Daddy is feeling super excited. Today is HIS day. It’s official. The one day in the year when Daddy can do as he pleases without guilt. For today is Father’s Day, a day to celebrate fatherhood, paternal bonds and the influence of fathers within society. A special day when families come together, children behave impeccably and wives bite holes in their tongues, in order to honour and respect the patriarch of their familial unit.
Daddy, in his slumber-some state, is blissfully unaware of what his doting brood has in store for him today. Thank Goodness for that. For Mummy and her Terror Tots have nothing planned and are thereby also #totesobliv (AKA completely unaware) of what they can possibly do to make today different from any other day, for the #specialman in their lives. Screwed.
Mummy is racking her brains as to What Every Man wants. It is indeed a good question. One that is usually EXTREMELY simple to answer. But on Father’s Day, perhaps the same rules do not apply. So, at 7.37am on this special day, Mummy is making a list on her phone, in the hope that some inspiration might just jump out at her in black and white, enabling her to miraculously come up with the goods in time for the big Wake Up.
What Every Man Wants on Father’s Day:
- An indisputably long lie in.
- A brew in bed.
- Breakfast in bed.
- A card emblazoned with Best Dad (just in case he’s feeling insecure.)
- A bar of his favourite chocolate. Or in Daddy’s case, an irritating healthy “swap out, “ in honour of The (latest) Diet.
- Another new mug, key ring, coaster, gardening tool or desk accessory to add to his collection.
- To be left alone. For as long as possible.
- To watch the football. In peace.
- A delicious home cooked meal. Or better still, a take away from the local Indian.
- A sleek and shiny new car, no more bills, the mortgage wiped clean, tuition fees paid, a younger, beautiful wife who earns more than him, kids who don’t fight, a six pack and a better social life than all his pals put together. In short, a harmonious home and a hassle-free life. For the foreseeable.
It turns out that perhaps Dads are pretty easy to please after all. Until of course we get to number 10, at which point, there is no hope. Sadly Mummy has no magic wand and is therefore hoping that Daddy’s expectations are indeed limited to the top 9. Otherwise today, Daddy is going to be seriously disappointed.
Happy Father’s Day to you all. Here’s hoping that your wives turn out to be incredibly young and beautiful Fairy Godmothers. Unlike this poor sod’s wife.