Mummy is 14,208 days old. This equates to her being approximately 4 weeks off the Big 4.0. Apparently life begins at 40? Mummy is not so sure. In fact, she has yet to decide whether to whip out her black cloak and scythe (in true GR style) for the occasion, or whether to dust off and don the shocking-pink frock she bought ten years ago when she was in a good mood. Labels and all.
So what is all the fuss about? Mummy has decided to do some research into what really happens when one turns 40 and how the average Joe chooses to mark this #veryspecial milestone.
When asked to sum up, using between 1 to 3 words, what really happens when one turns 40, a completely random cross-section of the 40-something, playground posse commented as follows:
- Mid-life crisis.
- Slimming World.
Damn. Given the hype, this was not what Mummy had anticipated she was about to embark upon. So why do people pay so much attention to turning 40 and what on earth is worth celebrating about all of the above?
It seems that there are 4 favourable options for marking this special occasion or indeed as some would say, diversions to soften the blow.
- Throw a wild party.
- Go abroad with a loved one.
- Write a bucket list.
- Do nothing, whilst secretly crying into one’s pillow.
Mummy resolved to deliberate all 4 options before drawing any conclusions as to The Meaning of Life at Half a Century Minus a Decade. And hereupon she found the following flaws.
The trouble with throwing a wild party is:
- One has to know enough family, friends, colleagues, associates or, if really desperate, strangers, to coerce along in order to get the party started,
- One must be able to drink alcohol in considerable volume to ensure that the reason for which one is celebrating, i.e one’s old age, is firmly wiped out of one’s memory in doing so.
- The obscene amount of money that is frittered away on what ultimately amounts to a bucket full of vomit, the hangover from hell and one more “laugher line” to add to the collection.
Mummy wasn’t convinced. So she considered option 2. But the trouble with going abroad with a loved one is:
- The destination is usually held a secret and Mummy, who struggles to control herself when she relinquishes control over everything and everyone in her life, DOESN’T DO SECRETS.
- In view of the commitments pertinent to a 40 something year old’s lifestyle, “going abroad” usually amounts to a mini vacation and not an extended staycation, and to top it off, one is never far enough away from home, to avoid waking up to the tune of one’s own body clock.
- It is arguably still just another form of running as far away as possible from the sorry truth.
Mummy needed more incentive for wanting to turn 40. So she investigated option 3. However, the trouble with writing a bucket list is:
- Mummy has zero interest in completing a number of achievements or experiences that one would normally hope to complete within one’s lifetime, BEFORE SHE SODDING WELL HITS 40!
- It is so g’damn #millennial.
- She simply doesn’t own the appropriate footwear to climb Africa’s Mt Kilimanjaro.
Mummy has resigned herself to option 4. But the trouble with doing nothing whilst secretly crying into one’s pillow, is that it is no different to any other sodding day.
What to do? Mummy is no closer to understanding the quintessential significance of turning 40 or indeed, the consequences of it.
So since Mummy has no alternative but to turn 40, she decides to embrace it. On the very first day of her forties, Mummy will put her extensive research into each of the four options above to the test. As soon as her tears have been washed away with pink champagne and the hang-over has lifted, Mummy intends to rip the labels off her shocking-pink frock and board the plane to Africa. With the appropriate footwear of course.
See you on the other side!