Children & babies · fun · General parenting · Home and Family · Motherhood · Travel

MayDay MayDay

Happy May Day! Luckily for us Great Brits, this year May 1st fell on a Monday, which meant another Glorious and Great British Bank Holiday for us all to enjoy. But today wasn’t going to be about BBQ’s, queues and booze. Today was to be about fun and frolics at the village fete, fairies, faun, flowers and phallic looking poles for us to prance around. Today was to be Pimms and lemonade on the lawn, followed by a raunchy summer romp in the miscanthus giganteus (that’s a large grass, just in case you were mistaken), finished off with the crowning glory of a beautiful May Queen. Happy May Day indeed. Could it possibly get any more pleasurable than this? Continue reading “MayDay MayDay”

Children & babies · Choice · fun · General parenting · Home and Family · Motherhood · Mum

The Great British Bank Holiday

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Roll on the Great British Bank Holiday. A delightful long weekend in which important, tired and hard-working people get to rest their weary heads, and less important but equally as tired and hard-working FTM’s get to, quite frankly, carry on regardless. A joyful time in which the Great British Public love to either a) inebriate themselves over three consecutive days, whilst manning a succession of dwindling tinfoil BBQs in the pissing rain, wearing T-shirt and shorts, b) spend quality time with husbands, wives, partners and children, engaging in cohesive and incredibly fun activities, such as Twister, Jenga and Junior Trivial Pursuit or c) a bit of both, more commonly known as boozed-up childcare in the rain. Whichever way you choose to spend your Bank Holiday though, one thing is for sure: The Great British Bank Holiday simply wouldn’t be the same without a Great British Queue.

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Children & babies · fun · General parenting · Home and Family · Motherhood · Mum · sacrifice

The Resurrection

The GR has resurrected herself. Bang on cue. Just in time for Easter. It’s Day 1 of the “holidays” and her timing is impeccable once again. Her little-black-cloak has been dry-cleaned, in honour of the numerous jollifications planned and her scythe has been sharpened, ready to strike anyone or anything that, quite frankly, has the audacity to Gd’dam breathe. Approach at your own risk.

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Choice · fun · Home and Family · Marriage · Personal development · sacrifice · Travel

Call me a Fool, but…

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Happy April Fool’s Day to all you old Fools out there. Another ludicrous day to mark something or other ridiculous. With its origins dating all the way back to the 14th Century, apparently April Fool’s Day is good for one’s health – a tonic to encourage laughter, diminish stress and reduce the strain on one’s heart. That would be for all of 24 hours. And then it’s back to normal Folks – we can carry on being miserable buggers. Phew. Continue reading “Call me a Fool, but…”

Children & babies · Choice · Friendship · fun · General parenting · Home and Family · Mum · sacrifice · Travel

Car Share

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So here’s the thing. For the past year or so, I’ve been involved in an arrangement. A you-scratch-my-back-and-i’ll scratch-yours type of thing. In fact, I could easily go as far as to call it a relationship. A mutually beneficial, reciprocal kind of relationship, which saw its inception at the school gates. At first I was dubious, but after several rides, I was hooked. And so was She. Soon there was little alternative – we’d be lost without each other. Continue reading “Car Share”

Choice · fun · General parenting · Home and Family · Motherhood · Personal development · sacrifice

Diary of a Wimpy Mum

Recently, I was out on an adult-only evening which involved completing a meal in its entirety, whilst simultaneously engaging in civilised conversation, when my very adult friend asked if I would like to join her new book club. A book club? [I scoffed]. Now there’s a laugh. Isn’t that where grown-ups meet on a regular basis to unlock the hidden depths and common threads running through mutually selected texts, whilst nibbling on fancy flavoured nuts and tippling on tiny tots of sherry? My very adult friend took a sip of her robust-looking red, whilst I choked on my neon-looking pop and declined her invitation promptly. Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets would be lost on her club.

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fun · Motherhood · Personal development · sacrifice

Hot Heels

There’s something about heels that makes a woman feel good. Whether or not we look good is an entirely different matter. However, the fact remains that tall heels, kitten heels, stiletto heels, cone heels, spool heels, chunky heels – whatever your preference, heels make us feel sh*t hot. For there’s something about slipping into a pair of heels that instantly transforms a woman. From skivvy to sexy, elephant to elegant, mum to MILF. No matter who she becomes, the woman in heels has elevated herself to a whole new level. And she means business. Continue reading “Hot Heels”

Choice · fun · Health · Personal development

Tickle Me Quick

Last week someone, who shall remain anonymous, came to me with a problem. It was quite out of character. And it was quite out of the blue. A shocking self-discovery that took myself and this someone, who shall remain anonymous, rather by surprise.

As problems go, it wasn’t catastrophic. There was no narcotic addiction, there was no other man, there were no gambling debts. Thank Goodness, there was no terminal illness, no manic depression, no mid-life crisis. In fact, this particular problem was less a problem and more a stark observation. And as with a common cold or a niggling cough, the problem was actually uncomplicated. Easily self-remedied, given half the chance. But by its very simplistic nature, it was all the more startling. Continue reading “Tickle Me Quick”

Friendship · fun · Home and Family · Travel

Trouble in Paradise

When it comes to going on holiday, it’s somewhat of a prerequisite to actually like the people you are going with. After all, indulging in a Sex on The Beach with someone you like has to be preferable to sharing a Screaming Orgasm with someone you can’t bear the sight of, right? And so, it was a bloody good job that this year, once again, we were jollying with tried and tested holiday pals. Three years on the trot and any shred of shame had been annihilated, bulging bikini diets abolished and pre-holiday spray tans abandoned. This time round, we were holidaying together as old-timers, besties, bosoms. I say “we”. What I actually mean is “I”. For this year, controversially, I left my Other Half behind. And not simply because I don’t like him.

But just quite how controversial this move was, I hadn’t anticipated. Tongues wagged, heads turned. It was clear there were two schools of thought unfolding on the state of this marriage: Either he’s left her (in a hurricane of hormones, “with child” and two tear-away toddlers) or she’s left him (amid a mid-life crisis, with a 4o-something year old receding hair-line and his very own burgeoning belly – can you blame her?) Either way, with newly-acquired, expectant single-mum status, I was going to enjoy milking this little baby. Continue reading “Trouble in Paradise”